Sleep is addictive. But is sleep like the stuff from the local dealer? Or is it as pure as a fine batch of Mexican cocaina? Well soon, you shall know. Welcome to Sleep Review.

Sleep is unbelievably refreshing. Entering a deep slumber to wake hours later, rejuvenated. It allows for experiences to be processed, growth to take place and a mental reset to be hit. Many don’t even want to leave their beds when they wake up! Not me though, I’m a gigachad sigma male. When I wake up, I do press-ups in the rain and stare at myself in the mirror for multiple hours.

Is sleep really worth it though? I mean – have you ever even stopped to think about it? I bet you just yawn and go to bed. You meek.

Case 1 against sleep: Piss and Power Naps

Have you ever heard of the term ‘wetting the bed’? Well if you don’t sleep, it is impossible to wet the bed. Furthermore, it reduces the chances of you wetting anyone else you may be sleeping on. As a result, I suggest reducing the amount you sleep as much as possible so you do not wet the bed. I, however, intentionally wet the bed in protest against the capitalist elite.

Case 2 against sleep: You are Intel Pentium processor

You need sleep because your brain is a selfish prick that needs to recover like my computer after running more than two tabs of Google Chrome.

Your tiredness may be a result of a lack of processor power in your system. To avoid sleep, try Unleashing the Beast®! with Monster Energy, or Vitalising body and mind®. with a crisp can of Red Bull. This will overclock your system so software updates no longer slow you down and kill your battery. Alternatively, you could simply download more processor cores from the online marketplace. I did it and haven’t slept in three weeks. As a result of living the way evolution intended, I have now gained ability to communicate with fish!

Point 3 against sleep: Sleep demons

Sleeping with part of your body sticking out of the blanket means certain death. This is because it will give monsters the opportunity to come and kill you in your sleep. So unless you want to die, I suggest getting as little sleep as possible.

Moreover, they call it a ‘sleep paralysis demon’ for a reason. Just don’t sleep. smh.

As we can see from this very comprehensive and scientifically backed review, sleep is one of the most harmful things you can do to your body. Effects include poor hygiene, slow processing and death.

Instead of sleeping, we at funkysachin.com recommend spending your extra time reading our other articles, or sending me money using the QR code below so I can buy more band merch without the financial ramifications.

Disagree with my verdict? Send me money. Agree with my verdict? Send me money. Either way, you should scan the QR code and empty your bank account.

Also leave a comment below and check out other random reviews here! Or don’t, I can’t force you.