Introduction

Ceilings. They’re everywhere. In our offices, shops, our restaurants. They’ve even made their way into our own homes. They are inescapable. But do ceilings deserve the bearing they hold on our lives? Are they worth the hype? Well, this investigation will get to the bottom of it. This is FunkySachin.com’s Ceiling Review (shriek sound effect).

What do ceilings have to offer us?

Well, for one, they can let you add another storey to your house. By having a ceiling in your property, you are actually laying the groundworks for another floor to be built! If you’re lucky, this “second floor” may already exist! If you are unsure, find the staircase in your home and see if you have this mysterious second floor.

So what other reasons do we have to be in favour of ceilings? Well, they have been critically acclaimed over the years for protecting you and your belongings from the elements. Rain, snow, hale, acid rain, a ceiling can keep you protected from it all of nature’s terrors. Therefore with the power of a ceiling, you are able to keep your delicate belongings dry and safe.

So, ceilings have a plentiful supply of advantages. But what evidence is there that ceilings may not be what they seem?

Well you know when I said they protect you from outside elements? That includes the Sun. Vitamin D is vital for keeping our D’s vitamised. Thanks to these pesky ceilings, we often lack the access to direct sunlight when can vitamise our Ds.

So without sunlight, we must sit ceilinged, but in darkness. I hear you screaming “but Sachin, isn’t that why we have lightbulbs?” But that is what they want you to think…

The Edison Inquiry

Thomas Edison created the lightbulb in 1879. But what, unreported invention did he also create just a few years later? That’s right. The ceiling. After years of trying but failing to sell lightbulbs, Edison had a lightbulb moment (haha, get it?). This quote was taken from a page of his diary that I found posted on Facebook: “People don’t need my bulbs. The Sun lights their rooms. But what if we take away the light? So they must PAY for it? mwaahahaha! I am the real Thomas Edison” Historians believe this is the start of corporate capitalism as we know it.

Using “adding a new floor to your home” and “protecting from the rain” as a front, Edison became a marketing mastermind. By convincing people to install ceilings the population was, without even knowing, forced into buying lightbulbs. Don’t believe me? Look up right now. Go on, do it. If you are indoors, you will see a ceiling. What is on said ceiling? A lightbulb. (shocked face)

That’s it, folks. The ugly truth behind ceilings has been uncovered. You heard it here first on FunkySachin.com. Ceilings were invented by Thomas Edison in 1882 to help him sell more lightbulbs.

I rate ceilings a 2/10.

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