Introduction
If you’ve never heard of water, it is a molecule on planet Earth, made up of hydrogen and oxygen. But has anyone ever wanted to review water? As far as we know, it could all be a marketing scheme created by the Aqua Elders as a way of increasing profit margins after the death of the dinosaurs. Join me and find out:
The Review
Water is the elixir of life. As far as we know, we and the animals and plants we share the planet with would not exist without it. Given the only known life in the universe uses it to survive, water is awesome.
Luckily, supply is not running short either as there’s also an ocean-load of the stuff. So if you’re getting a quench for thirst, simply navigate to your local ocean and take a sip of the sacred nectar! I usually take a trip to my local ocean every half an hour, as I get quite thirsty on my walk home and must return to the ocean to drink more water (I haven’t been home in two decades).
This leads me onto the “bad”, because water is not all hype and no pipe. Drinking water with no local ocean comes at a cost. And that cost is a cost. Of course, consuming water will increase your need to urinate. If you are not an ocean purist, you may prefer to drink water from things called “bottles” for convenience. However, bottles have a cost, far greater than the purchase price.
The Peeing Conspiracy
Many toilets, particularly in London, are blocked from free access. Admittance to these toilets can only be done through a financial payment at the turnstile. The defining question when using a public toilet is now “Hmmm. Cash or card?”. But what happens if you bought a bottle and therefore cannot afford to pay to piss? It’s a pissing piss take. Take my piss for free, goddammit!
We need water to survive. But we have to pay to buy and release of it… coincidence? Absolutely not.
That’s right, FunkySachin.com has done it again. Exposing the schemes and conspiracies of the world. Ceilings? Exposed. Raspberries? Exposed. Now, even our darling water has been unmasked. Nothing and no-one is safe.
Ok back to the review
Many may dislike water consumption as they may find it particularly watery to drink. I once said that “the problem with things without spice is that there is no spice”. And water isn’t exactly a jalapeño in the flavour department.
Simply put, water is very plain. But what ways are there to spice up the drinking experience?
To add a crisp buzz, ice can be added. Personally, I prefer to not put ice in my water as when it melts it can dilute my water. I favour water simply just very cold, so it can retain its distinct wateriness and does not become watered down.
Other ways improve water includes putting it in your cereal. Wait-that’s milk. Never-mind.
Conclusion
I am currently getting quite thirsty so I’m going to head back to the ocean. I’ll give water a rating of 1/10 because while it keeps people alive, I am completely convinced of the conspiracy theory that water is made by the Aqua Elders to make more money off public toilets.
Check out more Random Reviews here to say NO to water
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